☼badtimes...

so at the minute i'm experiencing heartbreak for the first time in my life, and let me tell you, its not nice. i'd been with my boyfriend robert for a year and seven months, but the other day, after a few hard long weeks, we just decided it wasnt the same anymore and we needed to call it a day. i cant begin to explain how hard it is, i told him everything, he knows me more than anyone i know, i was so comfortable with him that we could sit in silence and it wouldnt be awkward and i could just be my total self around him and hold nothing back.

yep, he was definately my first love and nothing could have prepared me for how i'm feeling now. i cant remember how to be single and i've found it really hard to accept that we're no longer together but today i think its finally sunk in. i feel like i've made the first step to moving on today - accepting loss.

the second step was filling all my free time up by doing things with my friends who are being so absolutely lovely and supportive, so that i won't dwell over the 'what ifs'. so this weekend, i am full to bursting with plans for drowning my sorrows with one of my friends who has also split up with her boyfriend, a girly sleepover with other friends and nando's with some more friends.

the third step can only be completed with time, i just need time to help me gradually get over him and move on with life, i cant imagine me (or him) being with anyone else at the minute so looks like i'm going to have to get used to the single life.

dear robert,
if you ever read this, thankyou. thankyou for showing me what love is, thankyou for the amazing memories we shared, thankyou for listening to me even when you're not interested, thankyou for snuggling with me and just generally being there for me, but most of all, thankyou for loving me. i will never forget you.
lots of love, from your girl, caitlin x



sorry for all the depression,
mynameisCAITLIN☼